HW 57: Parenting 101

Parenting should be a balance between rule enforcement and giving the child enough space to make mistakes on his/her own as well. I see people who have parents who call them every hour to check up on them and expect them to come home by 6. Then I see others who are completely spoiled that they become this person who expects everyone to cater to them. I think once the kids grow up, parents should allow them more freedom, provide advice and let them make their own choices. Trust is a key part as well, because I know I hate it when my parents don't trust me. If you had made an effort to instill values and in them, you've done your part. If you go too far to try to prevent them from doing the things they want to do such as not allowing them to stay up late or have a boyfriend/girlfriend, that will only get them madder. Parents just need to understand that their children will make mistakes, but they should trust that they can also come back from these mistakes otherwise trying to prevent it will only make them want to commit more mistakes. We all learn through experience. Telling us what not to do isn't enough to stop us from doing it when we don't know why we shouldn't.

Parents should also act as role models. If they want their children to become a certain person, they should uphold those qualities in themselves as well. They need to exhibit leadership skills, relationship skills, generosity, consideration, hard working abilities, respect, communication skills, etc. so their child can learn by seeing. My parents can be hypocrites sometimes, as we all can be. But I know that when I see them yelling at me for stuff they're doing as well, it annoys the hell out of me. Parents should be aware of their own actions and be aware of their child's feeling too (same goes for child). When everyone is considerate of each other in the household, it creates an inviting environment for intimate conversations. I think communication is one of the most important factors in raising a child. My parents and I talk but it never goes anywhere when they don't understand where I'm coming from. Many times they disregard what I want and insist that I commit to the things they want me to do. It took me the longest time convincing them to let me play volleyball. I was surprised that they were so against it. Anything that takes away from my study time is going to be something they object, not that I do that much studying anyway. After a while though, they've grew interested and asked about my games and about my progress. They liked the idea that I was getting exercise and talked about how good that's doing for my body (they're really into healthiness).

Although my parents get on my nerves a lot of the times, as I get on theirs too, one of the greatest things is they've never given up on me. No matter how many mistakes I've committed, no matter how much attitude I give them, they always find a way to forgive me. I wouldn't say they spoil me but I do get a lot of the stuff I want and in return I am required to do well in school. They're very compromising. If I have a good reason for staying out late, going somewhere far, buying something, they'll usually let me. I've also noticed that when they talk to me instead of lecturing me, that's when I have the most motivation to do good in school and to make the right choices. I think they have a perfect balance between control and freedom. They tell us what we should or should not do, but they don't force these rules on us. They give my sister and I enough breathing room but not too much that we take advantage of it.

If I were a parent, I have no idea how good I am going to be. I've always sworn to do certain things that my parents have done and certain things different. But I feel like once the child comes, I would be tempted to spoil them or I might not know how to control my negative emotions around them or towards them. I'm afraid I won't be a good enough role model. I know I'll probably be okay in supporting them financially but it's the raising them to become the person I want them to be that is going to be the hard part. I'll try to be strict and I'll try to become their friend and the person they feel comfortable coming to when they have a problem.

When Parenting Strategies Backfire
The article was really funny. The kids were very clever. I think if you tried this strategy with older people they might fall for it. But kids will always go for the things they want the most, not the choices they are given. For simple things such as what pants to wear, what cup they want, kids already know what is their favorite. When they're offered choices, they won't care. They won't think about which option is better, because they already have the best option in their minds and its not the one that is given to them. I think giving a kid too many options would create a misunderstanding where they would think that everything they'd encounter would offer them choices when in reality sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I don't think this strategy is effective. Kids don't do well with compromises. If you give them a lot of choices they're not going to let you make a decision when it comes time. They're going to think that everything is their choice.

Continuum Concept
It's really ironic that the ones who are "spoiled" are the ones who grow up to be most independent when the ones who are often ignored during childhood in fear of spoiling them are the ones who develop the least self esteem. When they are ignored, they feel shame and get a feeling of little self worth. I think that it is okay to answer all your child's needs when he/she is little, and then gradually take some of it away as time goes on. While reading the Westeners' strategy, it sounded kind of stupid. It seems as though the parents are cutting off all emotional connections with the baby. They don't feel loved and they're not spending enough time with the parents, leading them to feel isolated and insignificant. That sounds horrible. I would never do that to my child, at least not to such an extreme. The Continuum Concept sounds like a more natural approach. It surprised me that providing a child with that much attention would increase their self-reliance.