HW 52: Initial Theories of Human Relationships

I feel like the bonds shared by humans can be both deep and shallow. It's easy to differentiate the two. It's not hard to miss a deep connection when you feel one. I think companionship is the main reason why we develop relationships. Bonds can be seen as a selfish concept. We can all admit that we take some friends for granted, to use to just pass the time; or use their affection to make ourselves feel more significant in a world that treats us indifferently.  But all of us, have at least one person we share a strong connection with, whether it's a friend, family member, or boyfriend/girlfriend.

Human thrive off feelings.  We struggle to find love.  Love makes us feel like we aren't alone.  It fills up our emptiness.  It makes us feel important and provides meaning in our lives.  So we make friends and find mates, people who will pay attention to us.  We search for instant connections (hence online dating sites, Facebook, bars etc.) and a lot of them as well, otherwise we immediately feel ignored and insignificant.

One question I have is are we all motivated by the same thing or is it limited to the individual?  For the longest time, people have been obsessed with social ranking.  Power gives us significance.  And people strive for recognition.  Nobody wants to be a nobody.  It's always a competition to reach the top.  Is it really worth the fight?  Do we really obtain that satisfaction we always thought we would have once we've reached the top?  Hopefully... otherwise more than half the population is on the wrong track.

Even countries start war to sustain social ranking.  Yes, yes, each war was fought for a different reason.  But even then, they all share a common factor, to destroy the opponent's reputation.  Even now, we are still fighting for world leadership.  During the Cold War, world rankings led nations to pursue nuclear proliferation.  Hitler created the greatest genocide in history to make Jews feel like crap and to make clear that his people were more important.  Religions were created to make people feel like those of their religion are favored over others.  Humans run their life according to the way they pursue their own level of significance.  Those who have low self esteem might go searching for money, a boyfriend/girlfriend to boost their confidence and significance level.  They might even turn to discrimination and bullying.  Those who are content with themselves, who view everyone and everything as equal, no more or less important than one another will not be seen pursuing these things (monks for example).  Neither is right or wrong.  The first one though is more common because that's just human nature.

What we lack is independence.  We are constantly depending on people and things for assurance when all we need is really ourselves.  Sure, it's great to hear a compliment.  Sure it's good to have money.  But first, before all that, I think we need to look inside ourselves first and like who we already are and what we already have.  Everything else is just excess, stuff we can live and be just as happy without.  Thoreau says men "lead lives of quiet desperation."  What most of us is striving for is unnecessary.  A lot of the motivations we encounter are really superficial (ie. social ranking, power, money).  It's possible to lead a simple solitude life and be satisfied.  Now that's success.