HW 31: Exploring Methods of M,M,C,A & Aggrandizing the Self

I asked my friend Lieb why she dressed up, why she wore heels everyday, why she wore makeup etc. She responded with our predicted "'Cause I like it." I laughed (this was before I read the assignment about avoid putting them on the defensive). She gave me a weird look and I told her how her answer was so typical. I asked her, "That's the only reason you dress up? You don't think it has anything with trying to gain attention?" She paused, thought, started to say something, but instead asked me, "Well, what do you think?" I said I thought dressing up did have something to do with trying to catch other people's attention. After hearing me say that, she said "Well if you're going to have to wear something, you might as well wear something that looks good." I definitely put her on the defensive, so I'm not sure if her answers are completely honest.

Then I went back on aim that night to continue the interview. I asked her if she remembered the first time she started dressing up or caring about the way she presented herself to others. She said "I guess around 14 or 15." I asked her if she knew what it was that made her want to change. She said "I guess when I realized I shouldn't dress like a little girl anymore?" I asked her if she seen a change in her behavior as well and she said she didn't think so but maybe. Then I asked her, "Do you think dressing up makes you feel more confident?" She responded with "I don't think I'm dressing up though. I just wear things I like wearing, like in the morning, I don't go ohh what should I wear so I look pretty. It's just like I like some clothes so I wear them. I don't think it has to be special though. It sounds like a lie haha."

This reflects the popular claim that "I do it for me and nobody else." She wears the clothes she wears simply because she likes it and not because it looks good. But then I wonder what's the reason behind her outfit choices if it doesn't make her look good. What is it she likes if it's not its appearance? Plus it's contradicting her statement "Well if you're going to have to wear something, you might as well wear something that looks good."

For me, the way I dress affects my confidence level. I wouldn't say it's the biggest factor because personality is probably the biggest, but it definitely affects the way I feel about myself and the judgment I get from others. Like right now, I'm in sweats and a regular hoodie 'cause I felt lazy this morning. So now I'm feeling ordinary. When I'm in an outfit I really like, it makes me feel more confident and less dull throughout the day. It's what sets my initial mood for the day. I guess it does have something to do with the way people view me. Clothes are like art and when you have a great piece of art, you would want to show it off.

When I see certain "looks" I like, I don't think about who might like it, because I do choose clothes for myself and not for others. There's a difference between dressing a certain way just to impress people even when you feel uncomfortable in it and dressing in a way that would satisfy yourself and gain compliments.

This isn't to say that anyone who doesn't care about their appearance is a loser. Because like I said earlier, I feel like personality plays the biggest part in the way we view a person. I would say that when people can't impress others with their personality, they look to other self aggrandizing strategies like talent, titles, money, the way we dress etc. I can say I'm none of those. But I probably am. Maybe I'm trying to compensate my lack of interesting-ness with clothes and make-up. That feels true sometimes.

“You’re literally watching the social landscape on the screen, and if you’re obsessed with your position in that landscape, it’s very hard to look away.”
When we find ourselves so obsessed with our social rankings, it's hard not to feel compelled to raise that ranking. Monkey see, monkey do. We see something we admire and we are tempted to change ourselves to become that way. As we mentioned earlier, this is a shortcut. Trying to be "cool" can only get us so far and soon enough we'll see ourselves back at square one, empty and lost.